I have perceived love in many forms. I don’t claim to be enlightened, or have a knowledge that others can’t perceive. It’s simple. I have gazed at love, and sex, and drugs time and time again. Can we say unfaltering that love is not selfish? Love is what we want it to be isn’t it? We take love because we want to feel it. We want it for ourselves.
True love though? I will say it’s still selfish. But isn’t it different? Real, deep and irrevocable love isn’t glamorous. We want to give someone something. We want to give them everything. But in the end aren’t we still selfish. I want to see my love happy because that makes me happy. I want to protect my love because there is nothing else in the world that makes me feel safe. My fire that keeps me warm because I stoke it. But this is still not love.
I could write a million words and still not perceive love on paper. There is no way to describe love. People often say that love hurts. People say that when you find love that you can float. People lie and give us this imperfect reflection of fleeting moments in love. But love is too large. Love is spread across plains and unimaginable fissures. But why do we care? Why do we need these useless explanations of love? Why do we base our understanding of love on other people’s experiences? I have read many people’s views on love, a lot of them I even partially agree with. I think it’s the fact that everyone experiences love in a different way. I know that I have always had more love in my heart than most of my friends. I notice the beautiful insignificant moment in life. I notice someone’s beauty in the most unflattering of poses.
When you see women sold, when you see them beaten. When you see them held at gunpoint by someone who has some false claim of love for her. When you see people cheat. When you see someone play the games of love; with no intention of settling. Facebook statuses. Relationship statuses. Trophy boyfriends and two timers. It takes something from you. I thought I loved a thousand times. I cheated ‘cause I thought that pleasure was something to be collected, or desire was important. I thought that I was a better person because finally people wanted me. Me. Why?
I saw my father 3 times as a child. He spit his seed and left his children to the world. Yet isn’t there love there? Don’t we have love for our friends? I thought I did. Only to be stabbed by them. Stabbed by father. Stabbed by friends. Stabbed by lovers.
I have fucked, cut, smoked, snorted, swallowed, drunk and fought. This is when I thought I loved. I have been spat on over and over. I may sound bitter but I’m not. I have thought that these events would change me, but they haven’t, at my core. I have come to realize that there are certain lessons that we learn in life. I’m not ignorant enough to think that what I have experienced in my life is worse or even remotely close to being the worst that mankind has to offer people. I don’t think that the universe is telling me something or that I should lose faith in humans. I have those days when I lose faith but still. I, myself; Love with every fiber of myself. I love to love and I love without bounds. I love the author of the piece of writing that I read. I love the people that I meet. I love the trees and the air that I breathe. I love the little beautiful times in life when you look down and see ants working and wonder about their lives. I love to stare at a painting and imagine the life and beauty that went into its creation. I love the company of the people I have chosen to surround myself with. I love lazy days and warm beds. I love you, I really do, and most of all I love my art. I love writing. I love expressing myself in a way that I could never do in any other way.
Looking back I guess that we all look at love in our own way, and that’s not a bad thing. To understand love in its entirety we need to unbind it from the flesh or the soul. Our ancestors didn’t perceive love in one word. It is too great. Love is vague. There are a thousand kinds of love and each of them are as special as the next. You can not materialize love because it’s not real. ‘Love’ symbolizes what we want it to but without someone going into your brain they will never know the truth to your emotion.
Love is beautiful, love is tranquil, love is rapture and love is peace.